In January 2005, I was introduced before a training I was about to do with the following quote by Martin Seligman, former president of the American Psychological Association.
“For most of its history, psychology has concerned itself with all that ails the human mind: anxiety, depression, neurosis, obsessions, paranoia, delusions. The goal of practitioners was to bring patients from a negative, ailing state to a neutral normal, or, ‘from a minus five to a zero’*. I realized that my profession was half-baked. It wasn’t enough for us to nullify disabling conditions and get to zero. We needed to ask, What are the enabling conditions that make human beings flourish? How do we get from zero to plus 5? Martin Seligman, American Psychological Association
Time magazine, January 2005. The Science of Happiness. (** His minus 5 to zero is the 0-5 side of the Life Puzzle Choosing Continuum)
The man who was introducing me said to his staff--"Ann is here to help you take your clients from zero to plus 5--helping them become happy, not just getting by."
I smiled when this occurred because everything I've always tried to do with Life Puzzle is to help people build whole and dynamic lives. I've always been frustrated by what Seligman mentions above--working in the psychological field that is "half baked"--because it never wanted to discuss building whole lives--just getting folks through the day. Ugh!
Recently I came across a talked Seligman did in 2004--it is posted on Ted.com--a great source for interesting talks on a wide variety of topics. In this presentation, he's talking about "happiness" and what makes people happy. He shows that "happiness" can be broken into three distinct levels: Pleasant level of happiness, The Good Life level of happiness and The Meaningful life level of happiness. These are 3 very different ways of being happy. In the "pleasant level", life is filled with pleasures--all the good things of life. In the Good Life level--people who experience this level of happiness have key areas of their life that make them happy--but they still have significant other missing pieces. For example, he talks about Len--a man who loves his work and is quite wealthy--but is horrible in relationships because he's so uncomfortable in that arena. So, he has a good life--but he knows something is missing. The last level is the "Meaningful life" and the people who experience this level of happiness are those who know their greatest strengths and use them to serve the world.
As I listened to this talk--I could see that Life Puzzle is a model for the "meaningful life" level of happiness. In the process of putting together your life--it includes the whole picture of happiness--all of the 16 core areas add up to a meaningful life. If you are conscious of all 16 areas and add to them throughout your life journey--you will inevitably discover your greatest strengths and find a way to use them in serving the world.
This level of happiness doesn't just happen of course. It does require effort--but the payoff is that highest level of happiness and that makes all the effort worth it. So, if you've ever said to yourself that Life Puzzle making is so much effort without being guaranteed a good return on your investment--I think Seligman's study proves the pay off does come in terms of a meaningful level of happiness and that makes it all the more fun to do!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Acceptance and the cricket....
Life...it is constantly filled with those challenges--being it events, people, or some irritation--that give rise to frustrations, anger and the emotional dramas that fill most human lives. It only takes a moment of reading the daily newspaper to see humans acting out this drama in all sorts of nasty ways.
Yet, if we are to arise to our higher level of consciousness--the real task before all of us is to take those very events, people or irritations and learn to accept them with peace and stay centered in our own wholeness. In fact, it is the first step to a higher level consciousness--one that too few of us are using to power our lives. If you take a moment right now and think of the last time you had a 'meltdown' over someone else's behavior and how that led to harsh words or some other anger action, I doubt it will take you long to find an example to see where, instead of rising to your higher consciousness, accepting and "being" in the moment, you instead got caught up in hours, days or even weeks turning and twisting this anger into its own event.
In discussion with a client this week, this very experience came up as he shared how he turned what was supposed to be a nice weekend into a whole weekend of anger/irritation at another person. Truth be told, he was upset about his own issues, but he took them out on this other person and was quite mean and now he was mad at himself for being mean and for this person triggering his meanness!
Which made me smile and say, "Ah, you've got a cricket". Arched eyebrows told me he was confused and I started to laugh. "Let me explain what I mean."
I said, "Long ago, I lived in San Diego. One night, it was pleasant and the windows were open. Right outside the bedroom window a cricket took up residence to do his little courting dance. At around midnight I woke up to hear his 'cricketing' loud and strong. Talk about an irritation!!! I tossed, I turned, I pulled the covers over my head--anything to block out that sound. Nothing worked and the more I tried to get that noise out of my ears, the worse it got. Finally, with an anger bordering on insanity....I got out of bed, went out front, turned on the hose and at 2:00 am in the morning, I am outside furiously trying to either kill, maim or flood this cricket to stop the noise. Thank goodness no one had a video camera because I was one mad woman and that cricket was to be no more!!!"
Long story short--I was out of control and my level of consciousness was nil! I finally went back inside, laid down to sleep and then just 5 minutes later--yup, the cricket starts again! I spent the rest of that night awake--and angry at a tiny little cricket who was ruining my life. Only actually, that cricket went on to become one of my greatest teachers.
After that event--I came to learn about acceptance. It wasn't the cricket that was the problem--it was my response to the cricket. I could accept and find peace or I could resist and find anger. Acceptance doesn't mean you necessarily like something that's going on--but it does mean you use your consciousness to manage your feelings, thinking and responses to what's going on around you. And in the practice of doing this, over time, you can learn to turn every 'cricket' event into an opportunity for spiritual growth and rising consciousness.
Now, whenever I'm in a situation of potential irritation, I remember my cricket and thank him. Because as I recall that irritating cricket, I am instantly reminded to move to "acceptance" of what ever is happening and move into a space of peace. This is a choice--the 6-10 proactive choice to own, manage and create a whole and dynamic life. It doesn't happen overnight, but with practice, acceptance for everything that is going on around you is possible. Because what you discover is through acceptance comes a peace that is so wonderful to live in every day. And it is something you are in charge of by living in the now. So, each time I recognize that I'm moving into anger--it is a signal to pay attention and bring my SELF back to consciousness. Deep breath, and accept--discover peace is self-created.
Just this morning, I got a call that the laptop was stolen from a friend's car and the 'instant' response would've been to get upset, angry at the thief, at the lack of foresight by a person to take a laptop to this area, etc. But I didn't do any of those things--I just moved instantly to acceptance. I don't like that this happened--but I accept and instantly the drama, multiple conversations with people about this awful event, the emotional roller coaster is gone. It is what it is...and in being present, I focus my energy on moving forward, doing what needs to be done. Just like chasing my cricket like an insane woman in the middle of the night proved a total waste of time...so too would the anger around this event. I choose to accept, discover peace and know that this too shall pass.
What's your cricket?
Yet, if we are to arise to our higher level of consciousness--the real task before all of us is to take those very events, people or irritations and learn to accept them with peace and stay centered in our own wholeness. In fact, it is the first step to a higher level consciousness--one that too few of us are using to power our lives. If you take a moment right now and think of the last time you had a 'meltdown' over someone else's behavior and how that led to harsh words or some other anger action, I doubt it will take you long to find an example to see where, instead of rising to your higher consciousness, accepting and "being" in the moment, you instead got caught up in hours, days or even weeks turning and twisting this anger into its own event.
In discussion with a client this week, this very experience came up as he shared how he turned what was supposed to be a nice weekend into a whole weekend of anger/irritation at another person. Truth be told, he was upset about his own issues, but he took them out on this other person and was quite mean and now he was mad at himself for being mean and for this person triggering his meanness!
Which made me smile and say, "Ah, you've got a cricket". Arched eyebrows told me he was confused and I started to laugh. "Let me explain what I mean."
I said, "Long ago, I lived in San Diego. One night, it was pleasant and the windows were open. Right outside the bedroom window a cricket took up residence to do his little courting dance. At around midnight I woke up to hear his 'cricketing' loud and strong. Talk about an irritation!!! I tossed, I turned, I pulled the covers over my head--anything to block out that sound. Nothing worked and the more I tried to get that noise out of my ears, the worse it got. Finally, with an anger bordering on insanity....I got out of bed, went out front, turned on the hose and at 2:00 am in the morning, I am outside furiously trying to either kill, maim or flood this cricket to stop the noise. Thank goodness no one had a video camera because I was one mad woman and that cricket was to be no more!!!"
Long story short--I was out of control and my level of consciousness was nil! I finally went back inside, laid down to sleep and then just 5 minutes later--yup, the cricket starts again! I spent the rest of that night awake--and angry at a tiny little cricket who was ruining my life. Only actually, that cricket went on to become one of my greatest teachers.
After that event--I came to learn about acceptance. It wasn't the cricket that was the problem--it was my response to the cricket. I could accept and find peace or I could resist and find anger. Acceptance doesn't mean you necessarily like something that's going on--but it does mean you use your consciousness to manage your feelings, thinking and responses to what's going on around you. And in the practice of doing this, over time, you can learn to turn every 'cricket' event into an opportunity for spiritual growth and rising consciousness.
Now, whenever I'm in a situation of potential irritation, I remember my cricket and thank him. Because as I recall that irritating cricket, I am instantly reminded to move to "acceptance" of what ever is happening and move into a space of peace. This is a choice--the 6-10 proactive choice to own, manage and create a whole and dynamic life. It doesn't happen overnight, but with practice, acceptance for everything that is going on around you is possible. Because what you discover is through acceptance comes a peace that is so wonderful to live in every day. And it is something you are in charge of by living in the now. So, each time I recognize that I'm moving into anger--it is a signal to pay attention and bring my SELF back to consciousness. Deep breath, and accept--discover peace is self-created.
Just this morning, I got a call that the laptop was stolen from a friend's car and the 'instant' response would've been to get upset, angry at the thief, at the lack of foresight by a person to take a laptop to this area, etc. But I didn't do any of those things--I just moved instantly to acceptance. I don't like that this happened--but I accept and instantly the drama, multiple conversations with people about this awful event, the emotional roller coaster is gone. It is what it is...and in being present, I focus my energy on moving forward, doing what needs to be done. Just like chasing my cricket like an insane woman in the middle of the night proved a total waste of time...so too would the anger around this event. I choose to accept, discover peace and know that this too shall pass.
What's your cricket?
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Raising our standard of living....
The "economy" is being lauded as the major campaign issue that the candidates need to address. One of the prompts for this is the oft mentioned line that "this generation will be the first generation to not exceed the standards of their parent's generation." When I hear this, I think--that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Because our "standard of living" has come at a huge cost--our lives. We run around like chickens with our heads cut off as we chase after the next big purchase, bigger houses, bigger cars, more stuff, stuff, stuff. But as our stuff piles got bigger, our lives became smaller.
So, I would like to challenge people to think beyond the norm. Fixing the current economy requires us to stay in a consumption pattern that makes us all crazy! So, let's not fix it, let's not want to exceed the "stuff" level of the previous generation. Let's raise our standard of living by raising our "quality of life" instead of the quantity of stuff.
That's what Life Puzzle-making is all about--consciously creating our lives, instead of following along and doing what everyone else is doing. It means understanding the economic system and preparing for change. Here's an interesting talk by Peter Matthies and Jenny Barlow--discussing the economics of change and steps we can take now to "raise our standard of living" by changing our views of the economy.
We can make this choice--and in doing so, discover that a whole and dynamic life does not require massive quantities of stuff any more!
Because our "standard of living" has come at a huge cost--our lives. We run around like chickens with our heads cut off as we chase after the next big purchase, bigger houses, bigger cars, more stuff, stuff, stuff. But as our stuff piles got bigger, our lives became smaller.
So, I would like to challenge people to think beyond the norm. Fixing the current economy requires us to stay in a consumption pattern that makes us all crazy! So, let's not fix it, let's not want to exceed the "stuff" level of the previous generation. Let's raise our standard of living by raising our "quality of life" instead of the quantity of stuff.
That's what Life Puzzle-making is all about--consciously creating our lives, instead of following along and doing what everyone else is doing. It means understanding the economic system and preparing for change. Here's an interesting talk by Peter Matthies and Jenny Barlow--discussing the economics of change and steps we can take now to "raise our standard of living" by changing our views of the economy.
We can make this choice--and in doing so, discover that a whole and dynamic life does not require massive quantities of stuff any more!
Monday, April 21, 2008
The Art of the Mundane....cure for addictions...
I was reading the Sunday, April 20th Parade magazine's cover story about Robert Downey Jr.
If you've followed his career at all, you'll know that his journey has been, despite his obvious genius as a talented actor, marred with bouts of alcohol and drug abuse. Serious bouts that have landed him in court, rolled him through three marriages and left him on the brink of self-destruct. But with this third marriage, something clicked--and he "chose" to care. Oh, others had prompted him before to change his ways--but it wasn't until something within him made a choice to change that it stuck.
The comment that stood out for me (sort of jumped off the page!) was when he said "Now its all about becoming rooted in the mundane, in the day to day stuff. Life is 70% maintenance....I'm learning the business of building a life. Instead of getting instant gratification by getting high, I push my nose as far into the grindstone as I can. The honey, the reward, is the feeling of well-being, the continuity, the sense that I am walking toward a place I want to go."
This could be the "mantra" of Life Puzzle making! As I say in the "finding meaning" chapter of the book, Life Puzzle...putting the pieces together, "great lives are the art of the mundane". It is about making the simplest of events--washing the dishes, cleaning the house, reading a book to your child or giving your partner a hug--that we find we are truly building our Life! Piece by piece to create peace--or as Downey says, "I am walking toward a place I want to go.
Downey was an addict for most of his life (he had his first drink at age 8). I've always believed that "addictions" are a choice. All addictions provide 3 things--instant pleasure, removal of pain and temporary quieting of the inner voice of self-dissatisfaction. They are tough to give up because once we've made the choice to release the 'quick gratification' of the addiction--we discover they are replaced with the "mundane of life'. And I think that's what stops most people from giving up their addictions--they are convinced the "mundane' will be so boring that they'll convince themselves its better to stay rooted in the addiction behavior because with it comes drama!
Only, as Downey has proved--the truly incredible drama of a great life is in the mundane--but you have to trust your SELF to go into it to find out! That is the best choice--but the hardest when you're stuck in addictive patterns!
If you've followed his career at all, you'll know that his journey has been, despite his obvious genius as a talented actor, marred with bouts of alcohol and drug abuse. Serious bouts that have landed him in court, rolled him through three marriages and left him on the brink of self-destruct. But with this third marriage, something clicked--and he "chose" to care. Oh, others had prompted him before to change his ways--but it wasn't until something within him made a choice to change that it stuck.
The comment that stood out for me (sort of jumped off the page!) was when he said "Now its all about becoming rooted in the mundane, in the day to day stuff. Life is 70% maintenance....I'm learning the business of building a life. Instead of getting instant gratification by getting high, I push my nose as far into the grindstone as I can. The honey, the reward, is the feeling of well-being, the continuity, the sense that I am walking toward a place I want to go."
This could be the "mantra" of Life Puzzle making! As I say in the "finding meaning" chapter of the book, Life Puzzle...putting the pieces together, "great lives are the art of the mundane". It is about making the simplest of events--washing the dishes, cleaning the house, reading a book to your child or giving your partner a hug--that we find we are truly building our Life! Piece by piece to create peace--or as Downey says, "I am walking toward a place I want to go.
Downey was an addict for most of his life (he had his first drink at age 8). I've always believed that "addictions" are a choice. All addictions provide 3 things--instant pleasure, removal of pain and temporary quieting of the inner voice of self-dissatisfaction. They are tough to give up because once we've made the choice to release the 'quick gratification' of the addiction--we discover they are replaced with the "mundane of life'. And I think that's what stops most people from giving up their addictions--they are convinced the "mundane' will be so boring that they'll convince themselves its better to stay rooted in the addiction behavior because with it comes drama!
Only, as Downey has proved--the truly incredible drama of a great life is in the mundane--but you have to trust your SELF to go into it to find out! That is the best choice--but the hardest when you're stuck in addictive patterns!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Awakening and the Addictive voice...
I was watching Eckhart Tolle and Oprah discussing his book, The New Earth via Oprah's book club and the online program she is running. For me, much of what Eckhart is talking about in this book is a parallel to what I'm sharing through the Life Puzzle model. We use slightly different words, but the results that we both are encouraging our listeners/clients to achieve is high level consciousness.
This particular day I only had time to catch about 10 minutes before running off to another meeting, but it was the perfect 10 minutes! Eckhart was talking to one of the woman who had called in on Skype and her question was something about "how reactive I am to events and how that just takes over my life."
Eckhart nodded in his quiet way and then went on to explain--that yes, "life happens--events do come into our lives--and so that is step 1--the event. Step 2 is the "response or reaction" we give to the event--and for many people, this is where they start to go off track. They get caught up in the reactive/ego of the event and once pulled into the "drama", it spins out of control. Sometimes its short-lived--but for many others, its an on-going process that takes up their entire lives. (Think about people who get mad at someone and are still angry days later to the point that when they next see this person--they attack them phyiscally or verbally!)
But then Eckhart paused and said "but what most people don't realize is that there's a 3rd step in all this--and this is the step that those who have awakened recognize. When this process of event/response is happening--when you've awakened to your high consciousness/essence, you're then able to 'stand outside' step 1 and 2 and consciously 'see' what is going on and not get caught up in the event. In this way, they realize that the event/response isn't who they are or what they must do etc. It is separate from their "being"--and once they see it as such, then they can consciously manage or choose to not get completely caught up in the event/response drama at all.
As I listened to this, I was nodding my head. This is what I'm trying to teach my clients who are caught up in the repetitive dramas that keep them locked in the old 0-5 reactive patterns. Only, I use different words. I help clients identify the "addictive voice" --this is the voice that is triggered by the event (usually connected to fear, anger, pain). Once activated--the "addictive voice"--convinces you to 'respond' to the event through this fog of pain/fear/anger patterns that you've been doing for so long. The response is generally a drama or the "illogical logic" choices that show up as behaviors that seem like the only option in the midst of the drama--but often times later, must be apologized for.
In the "Addictive Voice" exercise that I use with clients--I am showing them Step 3--the ability to recognize the "addictive voice" as separate--the ability to standout side and 'see' the Addictive voice that is running the show--see it as "separate" from the true SELF...and once you can do that, then you/SELF have the ability to not only 'manage' the addictive voice--but with practice--eliminate it altogether. As you eliminate it--then the true SELF/Essence (Tolle's word) can be present at all times.
So its clear that this isn't an easy process--millions of people are watching Oprah and Eckhart--and each week the questions are pretty much the same--how do I get out of ego, how do I stop being so reactive and how do I live in the Now/presence. To my clients reading this blog--hang in there--we're all trying to build our edges/create SELF/essence--and its worth the effort.
I honor what Eckhart and Oprah are doing--and hope that the Life Puzzle can be one more way that people can 'awaken' to their SELF/essence and create a world where we understand--everyone on this planet is a Life Puzzle under construction--we all have the same 16 core areas, 5 edges that create the SELF (essence) yet no two of us will put those pieces together in the same way. Thus, we all have a common bond--while maintaining our unique soul essence. In this knowing--we can stop 'reacting to others as if they're different from us' but understand that we're all on a path to consciousness! Tolle's New Earth is one way to learn on this path--and Life Puzzle is another way--all heading to the same place--a world of consciousness!
This particular day I only had time to catch about 10 minutes before running off to another meeting, but it was the perfect 10 minutes! Eckhart was talking to one of the woman who had called in on Skype and her question was something about "how reactive I am to events and how that just takes over my life."
Eckhart nodded in his quiet way and then went on to explain--that yes, "life happens--events do come into our lives--and so that is step 1--the event. Step 2 is the "response or reaction" we give to the event--and for many people, this is where they start to go off track. They get caught up in the reactive/ego of the event and once pulled into the "drama", it spins out of control. Sometimes its short-lived--but for many others, its an on-going process that takes up their entire lives. (Think about people who get mad at someone and are still angry days later to the point that when they next see this person--they attack them phyiscally or verbally!)
But then Eckhart paused and said "but what most people don't realize is that there's a 3rd step in all this--and this is the step that those who have awakened recognize. When this process of event/response is happening--when you've awakened to your high consciousness/essence, you're then able to 'stand outside' step 1 and 2 and consciously 'see' what is going on and not get caught up in the event. In this way, they realize that the event/response isn't who they are or what they must do etc. It is separate from their "being"--and once they see it as such, then they can consciously manage or choose to not get completely caught up in the event/response drama at all.
As I listened to this, I was nodding my head. This is what I'm trying to teach my clients who are caught up in the repetitive dramas that keep them locked in the old 0-5 reactive patterns. Only, I use different words. I help clients identify the "addictive voice" --this is the voice that is triggered by the event (usually connected to fear, anger, pain). Once activated--the "addictive voice"--convinces you to 'respond' to the event through this fog of pain/fear/anger patterns that you've been doing for so long. The response is generally a drama or the "illogical logic" choices that show up as behaviors that seem like the only option in the midst of the drama--but often times later, must be apologized for.
In the "Addictive Voice" exercise that I use with clients--I am showing them Step 3--the ability to recognize the "addictive voice" as separate--the ability to standout side and 'see' the Addictive voice that is running the show--see it as "separate" from the true SELF...and once you can do that, then you/SELF have the ability to not only 'manage' the addictive voice--but with practice--eliminate it altogether. As you eliminate it--then the true SELF/Essence (Tolle's word) can be present at all times.
So its clear that this isn't an easy process--millions of people are watching Oprah and Eckhart--and each week the questions are pretty much the same--how do I get out of ego, how do I stop being so reactive and how do I live in the Now/presence. To my clients reading this blog--hang in there--we're all trying to build our edges/create SELF/essence--and its worth the effort.
I honor what Eckhart and Oprah are doing--and hope that the Life Puzzle can be one more way that people can 'awaken' to their SELF/essence and create a world where we understand--everyone on this planet is a Life Puzzle under construction--we all have the same 16 core areas, 5 edges that create the SELF (essence) yet no two of us will put those pieces together in the same way. Thus, we all have a common bond--while maintaining our unique soul essence. In this knowing--we can stop 'reacting to others as if they're different from us' but understand that we're all on a path to consciousness! Tolle's New Earth is one way to learn on this path--and Life Puzzle is another way--all heading to the same place--a world of consciousness!
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