Last night while I was finally reading the newspaper--there was a story on Mary J. Blige's album The Breakthrough".....and she was talking about her self...and how, despite being extremely successful, in truth, she barely knew her SELF. As I read the article I thought, in Life Puzzle language--none of her edges were complete!
Reading this article made me think of several of my clients and prompted me to write several of them a note. Because I spend a lot of time helping folks build strong edges and discover a SELF that they truly love. Many people think this is a selfish thing--but in truth, it is a loving thing. Every human should know who they are and love themselves when they look in the mirror.
I ask them to do the 'mirror exercise' whereby each day, at least once, they take a moment to look in the mirror and truly look at themselves and say, "I like me, I love me, I care for me". This might seem like a simple thing--but it is actually hard for many people! This article on Mary J Blige prompted me to send a portion of what she said....hoping that by seeing her struggle to do this, they too would realize the value in this and also know--everyone on this planet is a Life Puzzle under construction and despite success--has to figure out how to put a healthy, whole SELF together! We aren't born knowing how to do this.
The article said that essentially up until about age 30 (!)...Mary J. Blige acknowledged she didn't have a real SELF, but was a missing self that let everyone and anyone shape her Life (puzzle). Now, when she looks back on who she was, she says, ""Once you get a reality check of 'Oh, my God, who am I? I have a arm over here and my leg over here--I'm all spread out. I can't even collect myself at the end of the day and say...."I love myself and I like myself.' ......"'That's when you know you've been living for the world for a long time. You've got to really be ready to see it, because when you see it, it's not nice...."
The article went on.... Blige 'saw it' about 6 years ago. She then made a series of life changes. First, she learned to like the person she saw in the mirror every day'.... She says, "I wouldn't call it religion, I would call it a spiritual breakthrough because the spirit (love) is in me. I just got tired of feeling the way I did about myself: Looking in the mirror and the only time I'm happy with myself is when my hair and make up is done. What about when my hair and make up is not done? I need that kind of confidence--I wanted to like myself even when men are not saying I look good. I want to feel good about it. I don't want to cater to people's opinions..."
Learning to love and like the person you see in the mirror every day.....a task for all of us! This is why I stress that clients continue doing that mirror exercise---that self-loving person, ..the one that is confident/loving no matter what others are doing is waiting to 'breakthrough' :)
And as I ended the notes to my clients I said, "Heck, I know you think its corny, but if a woman who has won 3 Grammys, released seven albums and sold millions has to do this...I think you'll see it might be worth it!