Be Your Own Role Model.....
In session with a woman the other day--a woman who is by all rights successful in her professional life--but floundering mightily in her personal life--especially when it comes to relationships.
But the gist of our session really revolved around getting her to see the 'copy cat' style of life she was living. She grew up in a dysfunctional home that left her feeling as if she'll never be "good enough" but damn if she isn't running her SELF ragged trying! She also grew up in a dysfunctional culture--that has shown her violence, jealousy, emotional dramas with extreme highs and lows as the norm between couples. Television, newspapers, movies all seem to concur that it is normal to be jealous, insecure and emotionally rollercoastering when in a relationship.
So, I challenged her to really examine this! I know that humans are notorious copy cats--that's how we make puzzles right? We open up the box, we spread out all the pieces and then we prop the box--and begin copying the picture on the outside of the box! Only that doesn't work in Life Puzzle-making--there's no picture on the outside of your box--you have to have the courage to design your own!
When I said this to her, her response was "Well, what do I use as a role model?"--and she was so totally serious that it hit me like a lightening bolt. I responded back with "You--you are your own role model--make it up, do what do you want vs. what you've been seeing (which obviously isn't working!!). She just sat there stunned. Then she pointed at herself and said "Me, how do I know what to do?"
I laughed and pointed out the Choosing Continuum I have hanging on the wall in my office. I said, "See the 6-10? At the top it says "The new paradigm: Whole Life Making. Currently requires person to discover and create for themselves a life based in a balanced lifestyle."
I went on and said, "The model you were shown clearly doesn't work--you're in your mid-40's, you've copied it as well as anyone could possibly do--but you're very unhappy--so it obviously isn't the right model. So, almost anything else you try is going to be better than where you are now! You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by having the courage to become a full Life Puzzle maker. Use the basic framework and ask--what do I want--and then work towards it"
She sat there for a few moments and then started laughing! "Me," she said. It totally wowed her that she could work towards creating her own role model--she, like most folks, was standing by, waiting for someone else to say "You're good enough now--you can own your own life."
I shook my head up and down and said, "Yes...just you--go for it".
She left my office with a puzzled look and a smile on her face. There's a lot of work ahead as she explores the 16 action areas of her life and asks "what do I want", but she now knows that she's the only one who needs to make these choices any more~