I was at a luncheon meeting the other day. The Melinda Henneberger, author of the book, "If They Only Listened to Us: What Women Voters Want Politicians to Hear." She had interviewed women across the country. She highlighted some of the surprises she found--the number one being that the so-called 'security moms'--those who voted for George Bush because of their fears about terrorists attacking our country did not turn out to be a big factor that women expressed anywhere in the country. But the gist of her book is looking at how the woman vote is largely discounted because politicians really don't care or think it is necessary since a large majority of women do not vote!
A lively discussion ensued until time ran out and it was time to pack up and head back to work. As I was gathering my things, I turned around to speak to a woman I know and she introduced me to her friend. Both of them are in their early 30's, building careers and contemplating their role as women in our society. I was amazed to hear them share how frustrated they are! As one of them said, "Our grandmothers were stuck in the kitchen and had no options, our mothers abandoned the kitchen, opened all options as they trotted off to work to break the glass ceiling! We were told we could have it all but find ourselves confused because while our moms are great women and have done tremendous things--the truth is, we were latchkey kids who didn't have our mothers around when we wanted them--and we don't want to do this to our children! So, we're trying to figure out how to do both--be a stay at home mom that ends up a CEO!"
We didn't have much time to chat beyond this--though one of the women is well versed in Life Puzzle and the best I could share in that short time-line was to remind her that the either/or linear world we're used to (the 0-5 reactive/unconscious/maintain status quo) is what she's talking about. It is the courage to jump to 6-10, proactive, conscious, create your own way that holds the future. In short....just say neither!
It isn't about superwoman or diaperwoman....Its about redefining for your SELF what works for you and having the guts to listen to your own inner voice. Yes, this will come in conflict with the current either/or picture that is constantly painted for us by the media, schools, etc. But it i s the only option--the courage to say 'neither' and create your own life the way you want.
Life Puzzle provides a framework to use as you ask your SELF--what do I want my life to be? Since we graduate from high school or college with very little knowledge of how to fill in most of the 16 core areas--it is what makes it so easy then to slip into the 'do what everyone else is doing pattern'....the very pattern my friend above is currently stuck in! We all get stuck in it--unless somewhere along the way we have the wherewithal to 'just say neither' and make our own.
There's no rule on this planet that says you have to follow the masses. If you too waiver between the either/or (superwoman vs. stay at home mom), take a moment to explore what your life would look like if you truly made your own choices--and created a lifestyle that met your needs, your families needs and then ask your SELF....do I have the courage to just say neither and do this instead?!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
Bariatric surgery.....still requires lifestyle change.
Since starting the BodyMine! Life Puzzle program for those wanting to use the Life Puzzle model as a part of their weight management efforts, I've had many conversations with folks dealing with weight issues. And it is a big issue on so many levels.
I've also been watching the rise of bariatric surgery as a primary option for the seriously obese and been wondering how that's working out. One article I read showed that despite losing large quantities of weight, many of these people continue have problems in other areas of their lives and are quite frustrated that having this surgery did not turn out to be as satisfying as they'd hoped.
I also know a registered dietitian, Barb Mahlmeister, who works with this clientel. I've always been impressed with Barb's nutrition knowledge. She has gone far beyond the traditional dietitian's knowledge base and I know she has the depth of knowledge to truly be able to help people. So, I called her one day to discuss bariatric surgery and some of the concerns I had. As a result of this, she and I decided to record an interview that I could make available to people about this subject.
In this interview we discussed the various forms of bariatric surgery, misconceptions and expections that people should know before they go through this life-changing surgery. We also discussed the lifestyle changes that she insists people engage in BEFORE their surgery. I was happy to hear how insistent she was that people make these changes or else she won't allow them to go through the surgery. As she said, "If they won't or can't make these changes before surgery, then post-surgery they are going to have an even more difficult time. I'm doing them a favor in the long run--even though they don't always appreciate this ahead of time!".
If you would like to listen to this interview, it is available, as a free, online recording. If you'll go back to the website, click on BodyMine! Life Puzzle and click on
I've also been watching the rise of bariatric surgery as a primary option for the seriously obese and been wondering how that's working out. One article I read showed that despite losing large quantities of weight, many of these people continue have problems in other areas of their lives and are quite frustrated that having this surgery did not turn out to be as satisfying as they'd hoped.
I also know a registered dietitian, Barb Mahlmeister, who works with this clientel. I've always been impressed with Barb's nutrition knowledge. She has gone far beyond the traditional dietitian's knowledge base and I know she has the depth of knowledge to truly be able to help people. So, I called her one day to discuss bariatric surgery and some of the concerns I had. As a result of this, she and I decided to record an interview that I could make available to people about this subject.
In this interview we discussed the various forms of bariatric surgery, misconceptions and expections that people should know before they go through this life-changing surgery. We also discussed the lifestyle changes that she insists people engage in BEFORE their surgery. I was happy to hear how insistent she was that people make these changes or else she won't allow them to go through the surgery. As she said, "If they won't or can't make these changes before surgery, then post-surgery they are going to have an even more difficult time. I'm doing them a favor in the long run--even though they don't always appreciate this ahead of time!".
If you would like to listen to this interview, it is available, as a free, online recording. If you'll go back to the website, click on BodyMine! Life Puzzle and click on
Friday, April 06, 2007
My favorite piece...
People often ask me...."What's the most important piece of the Life Puzzle?". I smile and say, "That just depends on where you at any particular time in your life." For example, parenting would hardly be the most important piece if you're 7 or 77--but it might be if you're 28.
That said however....I know for me, my favorite piece...the one I'll always highlight whenever I'm giving a talk on Life Puzzle-making is the Community/Environment piece. It is the one area that seems to be missing in so many of us--yet, once you become a Life Puzzle-maker, it becomes the piece that helps you make sense of the whole. As a Life Puzzle-maker you come to realize that we're all in this together--we are an inter-connected and interdependent whole of genders, cultures, races, species, planet and we all need each other.
You also come to realize that if 90% of the population lives a 0-5 reactive/unconscious lifestyle--we all pay the price. Thus, you realize that teaching others to understand and appreciate the 6-10 proactive/conscious becomes imperative for survival of us all--humans, air, water, land, animals--all of us.
That became quite obvious today when the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change made its report today. With but a small voice of dissent--today we learn how truly interdependent we all are. Our behaviors in first world countries have put us all at risk. The predictions are serious with 1/4 of all species on this planet threatened with extinction, droughts, water shortages, population decimation. This is the outcome of 0-5 reactive/unconscious people who do not understand how vital the Community/Environment piece is in their lives.
That said however....I know for me, my favorite piece...the one I'll always highlight whenever I'm giving a talk on Life Puzzle-making is the Community/Environment piece. It is the one area that seems to be missing in so many of us--yet, once you become a Life Puzzle-maker, it becomes the piece that helps you make sense of the whole. As a Life Puzzle-maker you come to realize that we're all in this together--we are an inter-connected and interdependent whole of genders, cultures, races, species, planet and we all need each other.
You also come to realize that if 90% of the population lives a 0-5 reactive/unconscious lifestyle--we all pay the price. Thus, you realize that teaching others to understand and appreciate the 6-10 proactive/conscious becomes imperative for survival of us all--humans, air, water, land, animals--all of us.
That became quite obvious today when the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change made its report today. With but a small voice of dissent--today we learn how truly interdependent we all are. Our behaviors in first world countries have put us all at risk. The predictions are serious with 1/4 of all species on this planet threatened with extinction, droughts, water shortages, population decimation. This is the outcome of 0-5 reactive/unconscious people who do not understand how vital the Community/Environment piece is in their lives.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
The real secret.....
Well, unless you're dead--you've heard about The Secret. It's on the best-seller's list, Oprah's done two shows on it and you can hardly open a magazine without stumbling on it.
While it is all the rage, The Secret is really nothing new at all. It is a repackaged and stunningly well marketed reminder that where we place the focus of our minds (thinking area of your Life Puzzle) is what we'll produce in our lives. Essentially--it is the Law of Attraction. It was shared in Norman Vincent Peale's book, The Power of Positive Thinking and the Prayer of Jabaz has had its run with this story too. All have made millions for their authors as they spread an age old wisdom that all of us know but too often forget!
That said, it is important for us all to remember that the "Law of Attraction" is but one of many of the "laws of the universe". It isn't the magic bullet, quick fix that will instantly transform your life and make it all come out great. It's good, its important but its not the end all be all.
And that's my concern as I watch this spread. Since we know that 90% of the population is operating from the 0-5 side of the Choosing Continuum--we can only attract to ourselves relative to the 'vision' or understanding about what it means to create a life. My experience is that most of us have the limited, 0-5 view that our culture provides--grow up, get a job, spouse, house, cars, kids, stuff. Thus when it comes to using the Law of Attraction that The Secret talks about--the end result is we're busy attracting primarily material/money and not 'whole and dynamic lives'.
Years of sharing the Life Puzzle model--I hear over and over again people saying "Wow, I never realized I had to take responsibility for all these areas of my life. It never occured to me to see my life as a 'whole I am becoming" vs. the "grow up, turn into an adult and wait for happily ever after!". And as one man said to me, I'd love to live 6-10 on the Choosing Continuum but I don't know how to do that! If he reads The Secret will he be able to just "attract" what he doesn't know how to do? Hmmmm.....
My concern with The Secret is that too many people are doing it from the 'grow up, turn into an adult--get the job, spouse, house, cars, kids and oh, okay, I can't 'wait' for happily ever after--I have to 'attract' it. But the "it" is stuck at 5....And 5 is only half the story. And sadly, as so many of my clients have proved--it isn't what makes people happy!
Where is the message in The Secret for a vision of the 6-10 whole? I don't see it. People are buying this up in droves and thinking they've found the quick fix, get me through this life answer. This isn't The Secret's "fault" per say--it isn't necessarily their responsibility to paint the picture of the whole. But after 10 years of working with Life Puzzle--I know that our culture needs to have this picture presented otherwise The Secret is going to be just one more passing phenomenom that leaves people lighter in their wallet but still wondering what happened as they rush off to the next "something" that's going to be the magical answer.
Life Puzzle makers know there's no quick fix...it's a piece at a time with the whole in mind. So, I would say the real secret is Life Puzzle-making--piece by piece and you discover you create and attract the peace you desire!
While it is all the rage, The Secret is really nothing new at all. It is a repackaged and stunningly well marketed reminder that where we place the focus of our minds (thinking area of your Life Puzzle) is what we'll produce in our lives. Essentially--it is the Law of Attraction. It was shared in Norman Vincent Peale's book, The Power of Positive Thinking and the Prayer of Jabaz has had its run with this story too. All have made millions for their authors as they spread an age old wisdom that all of us know but too often forget!
That said, it is important for us all to remember that the "Law of Attraction" is but one of many of the "laws of the universe". It isn't the magic bullet, quick fix that will instantly transform your life and make it all come out great. It's good, its important but its not the end all be all.
And that's my concern as I watch this spread. Since we know that 90% of the population is operating from the 0-5 side of the Choosing Continuum--we can only attract to ourselves relative to the 'vision' or understanding about what it means to create a life. My experience is that most of us have the limited, 0-5 view that our culture provides--grow up, get a job, spouse, house, cars, kids, stuff. Thus when it comes to using the Law of Attraction that The Secret talks about--the end result is we're busy attracting primarily material/money and not 'whole and dynamic lives'.
Years of sharing the Life Puzzle model--I hear over and over again people saying "Wow, I never realized I had to take responsibility for all these areas of my life. It never occured to me to see my life as a 'whole I am becoming" vs. the "grow up, turn into an adult and wait for happily ever after!". And as one man said to me, I'd love to live 6-10 on the Choosing Continuum but I don't know how to do that! If he reads The Secret will he be able to just "attract" what he doesn't know how to do? Hmmmm.....
My concern with The Secret is that too many people are doing it from the 'grow up, turn into an adult--get the job, spouse, house, cars, kids and oh, okay, I can't 'wait' for happily ever after--I have to 'attract' it. But the "it" is stuck at 5....And 5 is only half the story. And sadly, as so many of my clients have proved--it isn't what makes people happy!
Where is the message in The Secret for a vision of the 6-10 whole? I don't see it. People are buying this up in droves and thinking they've found the quick fix, get me through this life answer. This isn't The Secret's "fault" per say--it isn't necessarily their responsibility to paint the picture of the whole. But after 10 years of working with Life Puzzle--I know that our culture needs to have this picture presented otherwise The Secret is going to be just one more passing phenomenom that leaves people lighter in their wallet but still wondering what happened as they rush off to the next "something" that's going to be the magical answer.
Life Puzzle makers know there's no quick fix...it's a piece at a time with the whole in mind. So, I would say the real secret is Life Puzzle-making--piece by piece and you discover you create and attract the peace you desire!
Monday, March 26, 2007
I don't know how to do money!!!
There are 16 core areas in our Life Puzzle that we’re each responsible for if we’re going to create a whole and dynamic life. One of them is Financial responsibility and sadly for many it is a gaping hole in their Life Puzzle! When this piece is missing—no, I guess more adequately I should say, when this piece is “jammed” into your Life Puzzle it greatly impacts the life you can (or can’t) create.
Money is clearly not a piece anyone can ‘miss’ because every one of us touches money in some form all the time. So it is more rightly expressed that we “jam” this piece into our Life Puzzle instead of proactively, consciously learning how to manage money. Most of us walk out high school or college completely clueless! We rush off to start making money and maybe saving a little but because we are so ignorant of how to use money it ends up a jumbled mess. Before long we don’t want to deal with this part at all—it’s just too confusing.
As a result, we are sleepwalking through life. Too many of us are desperately hoping we don’t wake up because when we do and examine the financial situation, we’ll collapse! We hear of the ‘one paycheck’ away from losing it all, but for many people, it started long ago through a lack of awareness and knowledge of how to manage money.
And please don’t think this “one paycheck” away phenomenon is for people with low incomes—there are scores of wealthy people who are stretched out beyond belief. I remember sitting in a banker’s office one day while waiting for some paperwork to be corrected. The real estate boom in this up-scale area of Florida was going crazy and we were chatting about the fast pace of sales and the amazing prices people were getting for their homes. Then the banker looked at me and said, “You would think with all the BMW’s and Mercedes flying by my window and the million dollar houses, that this is a wealthy area—but you might be quite surprised if you looked under the splashy sports cars and real estate sticker shock. If we ever have a downturn in the economy, many of those cars are going back to the dealer and they’ll be empty homes on every corner. This place looks rich, but half of it’s an illusion. He said, “I know it’s true—I see the income statement when they come in for loans and so many of the people in this area are leveraged to their last nickel!”
Which brings me to what a friend said to me at lunch one day, “I don’t know how to do money.” And I said, “I don’t think many people know how to do money!” I see it in my private practice and you can watch the nightly news and see it too. We are 0-5, unconscious, reactive and as bankruptcy rates sky-rocket (only slowed recently because Congress made it so much more difficult), we end up playing victim to a green piece of paper!
If you’re reading this blog and thinking “Yup, that describes me!”, I hope you will give your SELF permission to say, “I’m going 6-10 from here on out.” I’m going to spend the next year intensively learning how money works, how to make it work for me and how to manage it towards creating the life I want.” To do this means you’ll be one of the rare honest people who is willing to say, “I don’t know how to do money, but I’m going to find out!”
Here are 3 books which will be a good start for knowledge. Read them just to gather data, do the exercises in them—again, just to gather data. By the time you finish all 3, you’ll have a new perspective on how you want to manage money for the rest of your life. The 3 books are:
Your Money or your Life by Joe Dominguez
Smart Women Finish Rich (or Smart Couples Finish Rich) by David Bach
Make Money, not excuses: wake up, take charge and overcome your financial fears forever by Jean Chatzky
Another option is to take an on-line course that will teach you, step by step to get control of your finances. Here’s one I could recommend—I like it because it is so detailed and yet, still a fun way to explore/learn and take charge. It is http://www.moneysmartwoman.com/.
If money is one of your biggest fears—make a 6-10 choice today and do something about it! Read one of these books, take an online course and build your Life Puzzle!
Money is clearly not a piece anyone can ‘miss’ because every one of us touches money in some form all the time. So it is more rightly expressed that we “jam” this piece into our Life Puzzle instead of proactively, consciously learning how to manage money. Most of us walk out high school or college completely clueless! We rush off to start making money and maybe saving a little but because we are so ignorant of how to use money it ends up a jumbled mess. Before long we don’t want to deal with this part at all—it’s just too confusing.
As a result, we are sleepwalking through life. Too many of us are desperately hoping we don’t wake up because when we do and examine the financial situation, we’ll collapse! We hear of the ‘one paycheck’ away from losing it all, but for many people, it started long ago through a lack of awareness and knowledge of how to manage money.
And please don’t think this “one paycheck” away phenomenon is for people with low incomes—there are scores of wealthy people who are stretched out beyond belief. I remember sitting in a banker’s office one day while waiting for some paperwork to be corrected. The real estate boom in this up-scale area of Florida was going crazy and we were chatting about the fast pace of sales and the amazing prices people were getting for their homes. Then the banker looked at me and said, “You would think with all the BMW’s and Mercedes flying by my window and the million dollar houses, that this is a wealthy area—but you might be quite surprised if you looked under the splashy sports cars and real estate sticker shock. If we ever have a downturn in the economy, many of those cars are going back to the dealer and they’ll be empty homes on every corner. This place looks rich, but half of it’s an illusion. He said, “I know it’s true—I see the income statement when they come in for loans and so many of the people in this area are leveraged to their last nickel!”
Which brings me to what a friend said to me at lunch one day, “I don’t know how to do money.” And I said, “I don’t think many people know how to do money!” I see it in my private practice and you can watch the nightly news and see it too. We are 0-5, unconscious, reactive and as bankruptcy rates sky-rocket (only slowed recently because Congress made it so much more difficult), we end up playing victim to a green piece of paper!
If you’re reading this blog and thinking “Yup, that describes me!”, I hope you will give your SELF permission to say, “I’m going 6-10 from here on out.” I’m going to spend the next year intensively learning how money works, how to make it work for me and how to manage it towards creating the life I want.” To do this means you’ll be one of the rare honest people who is willing to say, “I don’t know how to do money, but I’m going to find out!”
Here are 3 books which will be a good start for knowledge. Read them just to gather data, do the exercises in them—again, just to gather data. By the time you finish all 3, you’ll have a new perspective on how you want to manage money for the rest of your life. The 3 books are:
Your Money or your Life by Joe Dominguez
Smart Women Finish Rich (or Smart Couples Finish Rich) by David Bach
Make Money, not excuses: wake up, take charge and overcome your financial fears forever by Jean Chatzky
Another option is to take an on-line course that will teach you, step by step to get control of your finances. Here’s one I could recommend—I like it because it is so detailed and yet, still a fun way to explore/learn and take charge. It is http://www.moneysmartwoman.com/.
If money is one of your biggest fears—make a 6-10 choice today and do something about it! Read one of these books, take an online course and build your Life Puzzle!
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